I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
