dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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