oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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