I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
