Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How external is "for external use only"?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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