I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
