I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
