I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
