Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
