Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
