I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
