Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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