I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
