Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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