its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I deserve this hangover.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
