so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
