Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
