just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
bring money and cleavage
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
