It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
