i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
