I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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