a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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