Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
