oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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