yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
