Need sex. Gaining weight.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
