At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
