So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
