Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
