3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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