I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
