We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
only if we run a train.
done.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
