So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
