Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Rumble strips road head = magical
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
