Your dad touched me again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
