i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
