what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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