The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
