with your own penis?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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