dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
