3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
