I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
