The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
