I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
