I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the liver wants what the liver wants
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
