I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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