just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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