Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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