Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
