I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
