I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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