Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
