remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
