Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
